Hey there, puddins! Ever wonder how ta get that crush a’yers ta notice ya? Or how ta get yer folks off yer back? Or how ta make the best breakfast sammich ever?! Harley Quinn here to give you all the AMAZIN’ advice y’been searchin’ for all yer dumbass lives – with the help of my good pals (and the writers of my bestselling comic book) Amanda Conner and Jimmy Palmiotti! So go ahead an’ spill all a’ yer troubles in my ongoing Community thread, and maybe I’ll answer YOUR question next in this weekly column. Now let’s see what folks are askin’ this week…
BROTHER CAN YOU SPARE A DIME?
Good question. I would say we always gotta plan ahead fer a rainy day, so that’s some future advice after this all passes. You’re welcome.
Lots of lessons to be learned because of this virus, right? It’s exhausting and a bit scary. I mean, even my beautiful butt is worried about having enough toilet paper. Anyway…
Okay, for starters, the first thing you should do is file fer unemployment if possible. That’s what some of those taxes taken out of yer check go to, by the way. Next, check up on the status of your health insurance since that’s super important to stay on top of and no one is gonna do it for you.
After you ‘ve done that and you’ve taken advantage of whatever else you can find that the government is offering, you need ta’ take a good look at what yer day –to-day expenses are and see where you can make some creative cuts. Essentials are just that and should be the first in line when opening yer wallet. Best way to do this is work on your personal budget. Just remember to give yourself a break, relax, and breathe. No one can do anything worth doing in panic mode and in the end, you should be fine. Remember, you always have comics, which are entertaining and could be toilet paper in a pinch.
PARTY FOR ONE
Personally, I love throwing water balloons at the cops in my neighborhood, but I was told by Big Tony they are not fans, so that had to stop. The days are longer for sure now that we are stuck at home, so I like to start my day off with some exercise, working up a sweat on my hot body, and then taking a long bubble bath while reading some of my comic book collection. After that, I make breakfast and then clean my apartment for an hour. Recently I’ve given my hobbies some attention. I just rebagged and boarded my two long boxes of comics and have been taking guitar lessons online. Because a lot of my close buddies live away from me in Gotham and Metropolis, I’ve created a happy hour where we all video chat as a group the same time each day and catch up with each other. I like to crack open some wine in a box while I do this, but what you do is yer business. The other thing I do is search the internet and watch videos of places I have never been and make a list for future travel plans for Ivy and me to go to. Last, I have a lot of pets and they keep me super busy. I would suggest if you do not have a little fuzzy buddy, that you go online and adopt one. These days they deliver them right to your door. They are the best at keeping you busy and have love to spare. It will change your life for the better.
SHAKE IT OFF
Guilt is a tough one, and sneaky as well. We can distract ourselves and keep busy, but then, in those quiet moments it comes right back again and again. This one is one of my specialties so since I don’t know WHY you are feeling guilty, I’ll try to address it in general terms since there are many kinds of guilt. Proportionate guilt is very healthy and something you need to take a step back from and be objective about. This kind of guilt helps us grow and learn from our mistakes. Disproportionate guilt is the unhealthy kind and the kind that keeps coming back ta bite us in the ass. This kind of guilt is the kind that makes us feel shame and resentment and, well… it sucks. Having this kind of guilt makes it hard for us to stay present and makes just about everything harder fer us in all aspects of our life and can lead to anxiety and depression. Okay, if you are still following me, here is an idea or two that might help.
Part of dealing with it head on is to stop punishing yourself and try to learn from your mistake. Ask yourself for forgiveness and part of that is accepting what ya did was wrong. Remember, no one is perfect, not even you. When the guilt is being felt, check your behavior, what you’re doing to bring up this feeling… and notice it. Take a good long look at it. Drag what it is into the light and deal with it head on. This is not easy to do depending on the severity of the guilt, but it has to stop being avoided. If this still does not help, I would seek the help of a professional that can spend time and dissect what’s happening and eventually you will be more present and the guilt will not have a dark place to hide anymore. I wish you luck.
THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR
Well, that’s just your opinion or is it everyone’s? I would just talk to your friend in the nicest way possible and see if you are assuming too much. We cannot read people’s minds, so you really need to know if she is super happy or settling. The best anyone that cares can do is have an adult sincere conversation. If that doesn’t work and you really think this other person is totally a wrong match for your friend, plant a wire on yourself, go out and get ‘em drunk and record anything that you can use against them and then, if possible, pin a murder on them then rat them out to the police and record the whole thing so you can make a visual presentation to your friend. I found this worked for me, but there is a price to pay for that, and it’s usually jail time. Now that I think of it, just pay attention a bit more to what your friend says about the person and get a feel if you would be making a mistake or not when you intervene. Each person is completely different, so tread lightly.
END OF THE ROAD
That was a fun series for sure! Well, you do know I have a monthly series by the amazing Sam Humphries, right? Okay good. My other suggestion would be to pick up that Harley Quinn and the Birds of Prey Black Label series by the amazing Amanda Conner and her loser husband. That’s out now and is 4 issues long and even features IVY big time in issue 1 and 4. After that, just watch my animated series each Friday, buy a copy of my latest movie and then cut out two of your favorite images of me and glue them facing you to the inside of your glasses. Hope that helps…and I do feel your pain. I always spend a lot of time in the house of mirrors in Coney Island because I can’t get enough of me either.